I chickened out to go on my first coffee date with the married man! Yes, I got scared! Why? What made me freak out? I wasn’t afraid to get caught, since I had no intentions of getting intimate on the first date. It didn’t make sense to me…and that was making me angry. Was it my personal insecurities? Was I scared that he will not like me in person? Well… I had a lot of questions, and no answers, and that was driving me crazy. I didn’t like the feeling. I didn’t want to be that person. I desperately wanted to fix it.
The next morning, I got a message from him (lets call him Mr. T). He wrote how disappointed he was with yesterday’s cancellation and how much he was looking forward to meet me. I apologized for the cancellation due to the unforeseen circumstances and agreed to meet him next week. During the next week I wasn’t that nervous anymore, justifying to myself that I wasn’t going to do anything bad. Having a coffee and a conversation…didn’t seem so scary or inappropriate anymore. We agreed to meet around 3:00 pm in the Bâton Rouge restaurant. The whole morning I was crazy nervous, dreading the afternoon. At 2:30 pm I was done my work, and was on my way.
I got there at 3:00 pm, but …. he wasn’t there. I was seated at the table and ordered myself a cappuccino. It was early May, and the day was very sunny. It was starting to get warm and a lot of people were no longer wearing jackets. I was sitting at the table in my fairly warm jacket, practicaly shivering from anxiety, as my adrenaline level was off the charts. It felt like the whole restaurant was staring at me, and at any minute someone I know will come up to the table to say “Hi”. The 10 minutes felt like forever, and I began to hope that may be he won’t show up. The funny thing is, that if he didn’t show up, I wouldn’t be upset, I would be relieved.
“Hi there” … he said approaching the table, with the big smile on his face. I smiled back … but I couldn’t say anything… I was so nervous. He apologized for being late, blaming the traffic, and sat at the table. He was a handsome guy, dressed sharply in the good quality suit. He was a bit shorter than I expected, but it didn’t matter. At that point, I didn’t know what to do, and what to say, but thankfully I didn’t have to, because he was the one who was doing all the talking. He offered me lunch, but I refused …. I couldn’t possibly eat anything, I was so anxious. The more he talked, the more comfortable I was getting, and in about 1/2 hour I actually took my jacket off. I still smile every time I think about that moment! After another 1/2 hour, I started saying something back to him and actually engaging in conversation. I don’t remember what we were taking about, but he was very cool and it was fun!
It was time to go … and Mr. T offered to walk me to my car. I was parked downstairs in the garage, and so was he. We got to my car … I turned around, kinda leaning on my car with my back….. he made a slow step forward towards me giving me time to say something. I was silent…smiling. He looked me in the eyes, and wrapped his hands around my waist. I was looking right back at him….starring into his blue eyes. Deep down I wanted what he was about to do, but was terrified to admit it to myself and even more terrified to show it. Yes … he kissed me! It was a long, passionate kiss on the lips…and I responded right back, kissing him back! We said “Goodbye” and I left.
I was driving home, thinking “Oh my God! I have a boyfriend!”… and it felt great! I was proud of myself for going through with the date. I was feeling sexy, excited, alive and very much wanted! I had a sweet secret … and that made me feel different from all the married women out there! I had more …. and I was loving it…. still do right now!
